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 Improvement game

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Hobopew
King Of The Homeless
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Number of posts : 1377
Age : 26
Location : In bed, with beer,
Registration date : 2008-08-04

PostSubject: Improvement game   Fri Nov 14, 2008 6:21 am

Okay so its not a game as such, but i feel some people within the forum (No not just you, but you know who you are) Could need a little advice on analaysisng and improving posts, even if you are good and you want to help post a bad post for others to tip on etc.

its not exactly fun but it could help overall in the long run,


Basic rules, do a post as good as you can i your bad or if your good post bad,

no bad critisiseum just this is just here to improve not to blam

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Dan Alden
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Number of posts : 3875
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Registration date : 2008-08-07

PostSubject: Re: Improvement game   Fri Nov 14, 2008 6:59 am

I take it this is supposed to be posts for crappy RPing?

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Gamergirlavs
Wolven Admin
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Number of posts : 3643
Age : 23
Location : Drawing...
Registration date : 2008-08-04

PostSubject: Re: Improvement game   Fri Nov 14, 2008 10:05 am

umm.... I don't know am I supposed to post something good or just crappy. You know how dense I am.

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Hobopew
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Number of posts : 1377
Age : 26
Location : In bed, with beer,
Registration date : 2008-08-04

PostSubject: Re: Improvement game   Fri Nov 14, 2008 4:59 pm

Kinda, its just to help everyone improve in general with pointers, how to add detail how to correct spelling, just no nasty critisieum like "Wow that sucks balls" or something.


for example you guys can analysis this:


The man walked out his house. Then he got in his car, it was sunny, and then he drove around, seeing odd things.



how in the many ways could you improve that ^^^^^^^

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Dan Alden
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Number of posts : 3875
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Registration date : 2008-08-07

PostSubject: Re: Improvement game   Sat Nov 15, 2008 6:30 am

Hmmmmmmm................

The man stepped out of his front door with a grunt, locking the door behind him. He looked up as the sun shined in his face, as he held up his hand to cover his eyes from the blinding light. He looked down as he walked down the stairs and stepped onto the black cement of his driveway. He took a few steps towards his car. It was dark red and covered in rust. He stood and looked in disgust at his old car, hoping that today would finally be the day he got that promotion at work so he could finally afford to get rid of this peice of crap car and buy something new. He pulled on the hadle of the door as it stuck the first time, until he tugged on it harder as he heard it loudly click open. The man climbed inside with another grunt, feeling a spring from the car seat push into his back.

After a few seconds of him sitting there, he noticed that the seat had been moved, probably by his bimbo of a wife that he couldn't quite stand anymore. After fixing the seat he dug around in his pocket for a moment, until he found his keys. It took him a minute to find the right one out of the dozen keys, half of them he didn't even remember what he had them for. He finally found the correct key, and inserted it in the ignition, before turning it and hearing the car let out a loud but low roar as the tired engine kicked itself on.

He let the car run for a minute, letting it warm up. After a while he pulled down on a lever, as he car thuded into Drive. He let out one final sigh as he pulled out of the driveway. As he drove he looked around as he went down his long half-hour comute to work. As he drove, he observed the colorful leaves falling off the trees, as it calmed him a bit, that is, until he looked down and saw a run over dead skunk lying in the middle of the road. He quickly rolled up his window, as he could smell the scent that the deceased skunk had let off when it was struck. After driving for a little longer, he finally came upon the highway as he pulled onto it, driving towards another stressful day at work.....................

Holy crap...............didn't realise how long I made that. XD

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Hobopew
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PostSubject: Re: Improvement game   Sat Nov 15, 2008 6:40 am

Dan, you may want to sit down, because i think i might be starting to respect you O.o that was an epic post xD your turn

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Dan Alden
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PostSubject: Re: Improvement game   Sat Nov 15, 2008 6:49 am

XD

Hmm......after doing that, its hard for me to think of anything dull. XD

How about this:
The dog woke up and looked around its yard for something to play with.

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Last edited by Dan Alden on Sat Nov 15, 2008 9:28 am; edited 1 time in total
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Hobopew
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PostSubject: Re: Improvement game   Sat Nov 15, 2008 6:56 am

I want Jade to take that one


xD seeing as i started

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